Childhood Dreams

What did you dream about when you were a little girl (or boy)? What did you spend hours doing in your free time when the world was smaller and life was slower?

What was your answer to that omnipresent question every adult seemed to ask 

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

For me - - it was always an artist. It was the only thing I wanted to be, the only thing I could think of, the only thing that spoke to me. There was no other option. Well, besides a dog. There was a tinnnnny sliver of time that I wanted to be a dog and would crawl around the floor barking, insisting everyone call me “Colorful” and absolutely refusing to answer to any other name but that’s another story.. 

I used to spend my days coloring and glueing and taping. There’s a picture of me on my 3rd birthday holding my favorite present - my very own roll of Scotch tape. Way to be awesome and also kindof a cheapskate mom..

(and also thanks for finding this photo!!)

I would set up art galleries, making my mom purchase my masterpieces for $.10 a piece. (Can we say.. deal?!?) To this day I’ve never felt the same level of envy and jealous rage as I did the day that 2nd grade boy had the audacity to saunter into our 2nd grade classroom, open his backpack and reveal the brand new box of 96 (NINETY SIX!) Crayola crayons WITH crayon sharpener in the back.

I can still smell them.

But somewhere along the years that dream of being an artist died out. It wasn’t a practical career like a teacher or a doctor. You didn’t actually make money being an artist - I’d heard the term ‘starving artist’ right? That’s because they literally starved. On the streets. By themselves. I never took a single art class in high school and only in college when I was forced into being an Art Minor because of my major in Visual Communications did I attempt one. Talk about intimidation.. Did I mention I’d never taken an art class before besides that one quarter in 7th grade? And now I was thrown into a college art department with people who lived and breathed oil paints and charcoal fumes and who are artsy artsy. It’s a whole vibe there. It’s who they are to their core. And I was an imposter. As a result (and possibly to my ultimate benefit) I took as many photography classes as they would let me get by with to count as art credits. It seemed like the least  intimidating “artist” thing compared to portrait sculpting or mutlimedia collages. I did end up with an art minor. But I would never have considered myself an artist. 

The other day a friend of mine texted me a very sweet thank you for taking her family’s pictures and expressed her gratitude. She wrote..

“Your photos are the most magical of photos. You. Are. An. Artist.”

It stopped me in my tracks. 

Am I?

It’s what I’ve wanted since I was a little girl. It was my dream since I can remember. But am I? Just like it took me a very long time to say I was “a photographer” instead of “ohhh.. I just kind of take pictures every once in awhile” I don’t know how long or if I could ever admit '“I am an artist.” I’m positive there are a bajillion people more creative and artsy than me. Would I even begin fit in with them? How would it change my life if I actually believed I was an artist?

So back to it... what did YOU want to be? And can those dreams still be a part of your life? I believe that we are our truest authentic selves as children - with the purest desires God placed in our hearts - before the pressures and opinions of the world change our thoughts and minds. Maybe the NFL career didn’t quite work out like that 8 year old boy dreamed of, but you can still volunteer to coach youth programs. Maybe you didn’t actually become a vet, but I bet your local animal shelter would love to see you. Perhaps the smell of yeast and flour makes your heart skip a beat and that bakery on the corner calls your name - - girlfriend.. there’s still time!! Our childhood dreams can still come true in some version of our adult lives. It’s never too late. 

I don’t even know what my 6 year old self thought being an artist would look like. Was it coloring pictures all day? Because actually.. that’s pretty darn close to what I spend my days doing - just on the computer now. If that’s what I thought my future was as an artist. Then maybe I am. Maybe I did fulfill those little 6 year old girl’s dreams. 

Now if someone would just start calling me “Colorful….”