Ode to the Paci

To My Beloved Paci:

You're the only one who's been there for me since Day 1. 

(Besides my mom and dad.. and brothers. and you know.. Grandmas and Grandpas.. aunts and uncles.. cousins.. friends.. neighbors.... and everyone else I know..) 

But besides all them.. You're the only one who's truly been there for me.


Even if you weren't always in my mouth, I knew you'd be close by


Only a slight whimper and a helping hand away..

ready when I needed you

Or when mom needed you because was tired of hauling around those rolls..
(I have no idea what she was talking about because she was NOT making breakfast)

You saved me many-a-tummy ache because this is what I would do without you

when mommy tried to get a picture of me in my very first leg warmers (or any other time for that matter)

You became especially important when I was very very sick and needed to relearn how to suck on a bottle.

(Happy Halloween a year late since no one but my nurses got to see me rockin' my costume over those awesome hospital scrubs..)

You loved me when I had my feeding tube in

and you really stuck by my side when I was supposed to be eating but refused to
for months and months on end because.. well.. I just wasn't ready.
(And I kindof wanted to see if mom would really pull all her hair out.)
I don't know if I ever told you thanks for that...
Thanks

You've been there for all the special occasions..

My first smile

My first Christmas

My first Birthday

And my first day without my NG tube. Woot woot!!

You've always encouraged my diva fashionista skills,

yet you were real... you never minded where we napped.

Maybe most importantly.. you've made life with my brothers..

 enjoyable bearable

I loved to take you swimming,

swinging,

and dancing

I'm gonna be honest..

I've strayed away a few times.

I've tried to replace you.

But nothing could ever come close to the way you've made me feel.

I've loved you backwards

and sideways.

For over a year I knew you only as orange. But you really blew my mind when your chameleon qualities emerged. One day after an unfortunate run-in with Papa's dog you suddenly changed to purple.

and then pink!

But now I feel like you're just starting to try too hard.. Green? Really??

It's becoming apparent to me that maybe it's time to move on.
And when I say "It's not you, it's me" it's actually really you.
The thing is.. you make me feel tired. You make my eyelids droop.

Bottom line: You make me fall asleep.
And since I've decided I no longer want to take naps nor fall asleep easily at night, we just need to be done.

I know it will be a little awkward for awhile.
My mom and dad really liked you.
They keep asking about you. Wondering what went wrong. Trying to set us up again.

It's not going to work.

I'd like to say that maybe some day we could be friends.
But the truth is.. I really don't think we can be.

We. Are. Over.

Thank you for the past 21 months.

You'll always have a special place in my heart.
Just not in my mouth anymore.